Are You Doing These 3 Behaviors That Repel People?

 

You may not know this about me…

But I used to SUCK with people.

Seriously. Like I was really bad.

I wouldn’t make eye contact with others when talking to them..

I would look at the sidewalk when walking down the street so I wouldn’t have to talk to anybody I saw..

I would censor my language around the girls I liked..

I would change my personality to be more “likeable” around bosses and mentors…

Dude, if there was a definition of whipped, that was me…to the fullest.

Charisma was something I didn’t think I was “BORN with”

I don’t want to bore you with the entire story right now, but just know that I was dead wrong.

“Born with” is a complete myth, and anybody who believes it, is just fooling themselves.

The thing I eventually realized was I simply needed to give myself the permission to be the kind of guy who had a Magnetic Personality, and was Charismatic.

That said, there are SO many other mistakes that plague men’s personalities in todays’ fast paced society…

Let’s go over the 3 most common ones I see, that are KILLING men’s social lives around the globe, and keeping them from making the friends, the money, and attracting the women they deserve.

1. The People Pleaser

This person is always acting to hopefully please others, and is at the bottom of the totem pole, socially.

He may also be known as a “Doormat,” a “Pussy,” a “Wingman for lyfe,” or even the dreaded “Nice”… gross.

The People Pleaser doesn’t know the basics of dealing with people, so he changes himself to fit into some sort of ideal that he thinks others will like.

Here’s the catch though, when this guy changes himself for the convenience of others, then he comes across as “Try Hard” and “Needy”.

These two behaviors are absolute KILLERS of attraction in anybody.

Not just sexual attraction, but the kind of attraction that everybody is naturally drawn to.

The reason that people don’t give this guy the time of day is because when he changes himself for others, people conclude, “this guy doesn’t think his real personality is good enough”…

He tries so hard to get everybody to like him that, ironically, most people at best only tolerate him.

It’s a downward spiral for this guy because when he realizes that his efforts are only working against him, he gets discouraged, and charges even harder down his current path…

Just in the same way that a smoker may realize that they’re slowly killing themselves, but since it’s a habit they get stressed out and smoke even more.

The bright side for this guy?

When he finally hits the breaking point, he will do one of two things…

1. He’ll accept his fate as a pushover for life, and in turn, no longer come across as “fake” or “try hard” because he’ll actually be congruent to this persona…

OR
2. He will seek help.

He will finally realize his own potential for greater things, and seek out the guidance of a mentor or coach who understands him, and can bring him out of this rut.

It comes down to having self-esteem.

And when this happens, he starts taking more action than anybody, and quickly becomes the cream of the crop through shear force of will alone.

The People Pleaser easily turns into the best student of Social Dynamics because his intentions are good, he just required the initial guidance and permission to become Charismatic.

[I actually used to fit into this category, and look how I turned out.] Yet this is only the tip of the iceberg, there are two other behaviors that are just

as bad, if not worse than this guy…

2. The James Dean knock-off

This is the guy who most people perceive as an “Asshole” or a “Dick” even though he might not have a bad bone in his body.

He can often be seen in a Social environment with a stern look on his face, standing against the wall, while holding a drink in front of his chest [all done in the effort to hopefully make others conclude that he is “cool.”]

But since he rarely talks to anybody and just sort of “people watches,” most others conclude that he is merely a socially awkward a-hole.

If this guy is currently you, then I have good news for you, my friend…

Although your body language may be over-the-top, and alpha-wannabe, the bright side is that you simply need to relax a little bit.

The James Dean knock-off is just a phase that a lot of people go through right before they find the sweet spot of Charisma and Personal Magnetism.

Many of the guys who used to be “People Pleasers” and learn the basics of strong body language, and human psychology will naturally transition to this phase because he’s got the right idea, but is just going over-the-top.

Until eventually, he gets tired of just “looking cool,” and starts to have fun by relaxing a little bit.

When that happens, success in his social, business, and dating life starts flooding in almost immediately.

However, there is one last obstacle that stands in the way of becoming a truly Magnetic Person…

3. The Fake High-Energy guy

This is the final roadblock to becoming the kind of guy who magnetically attracts everything he wants into his life.

In fact, to call this a “phase” wouldn’t really be correct because everybody does this at times.

For example, sometimes when I go out to a venue that has BOOMING music, and I’m actually in the mood to just chill and having good conversation…

Then my energy level naturally isn’t on the same level as the environment.

Instead of owning my current mood, I’ll try to pretend that I actually feel like fist- pumping the night away, and put a fake smile on my face…

Have you ever done this?

Naturally introverted people will go through this same thing, when they are forced to be around a lot of people.

They plant a forced smile on their face, and try extra hard to make their vocal tonality seem energetic, and up-beat.

This is the main reason why introverted people
feel drained of their energy after being around large groups of people.

The person who falls prey to this behavior runs the risk of coming across as “Fake”…

Which makes it exponentially harder for anybody to actually trust this person.

If you haven’t already caught on yet, the underlying theme of ALL 3 of these common mistakes is the lack of Congruence.

Congruence basically means that you fully own the state that you are in, and are 100% authentic.

People are constantly filtering everybody they meet to see if they are someone they like and trust.

Actually being congruent to who you are, and how you feel in that moment is the quickest way to take advantage of this Congruence filter..

If you have ever fallen into any of these 3 categories then I have three challenges to you..

Challenge #1: Be completely OK with polarizing others.

The “People Pleaser” quivers at this thought, where as the “James Dean wanna-

be” takes this to the extreme.
Here’s the hard-cold truth. Everybody is NOT going to like you. Sorry man, that’s just the way it is.
But it is OK!

Every self-made person in history had a lot of haters.. Just listen to any song by any famous, self-made rapper…

Every United States President has to deal with half of the country hating and criticizing his every move…

Martin Luther King Jr. had almost an entire country, including a government
that hated him, and wanted him dead… [Now he has an entire holiday dedicated to him.]

Listen, I’m not saying you have to repel half a country to be Magnetic and Charismatic.

All I’m saying is that you should not get discouraged by petty people, who sit on their couch living in quiet desperation, and have nothing to do except for hate on others who are living life on THIER terms.

The truth is, learning how to deal with adversity only makes you stronger at the end of the day. So embrace it.

…and accept that haters just come with the territory.
And when you finally do start to embrace it, you’ll realize that although some

people hate you, the ones who actually vibe with you will love you. And this is fulfilling because they love you for who you actually are.

[Much better than living in a world full of people who tolerate you for being something you aren’t.]

Challenge #2: Constantly be Improving yourself.

If you want to be congruent to who you actually are, then a Catch 22 arises with the first challenge.

Someone who is always acting on their own volition may fall into the trap of never actually improving on their weaknesses because they just embrace those weaknesses instead… I completely understand this.

That said, try to stay away from extreme ideologies, and find the middle ground.

Realize that you can ALWAYS be improving yourself, your communication skills, your influence skills, and your charisma skills.

You are never a finished product.

Even I am always looking to improve myself, and I’m the guy that others go to for help with all things Social Dynamics, and Charisma.

I always recommend finding character models. Aka people who have traits that you want to improve in yourself, and consciously modeling those positive traits.

Here’s the key, do this for you, and not for the validation you may get from others.

That is the key difference between the person who is always improving themselves, and the “people pleaser.”

Challenge #3: Approve of yourself. Ignore the faceless masses.

This is based on one of my favorite quotes from Robert Downey Jr., “Listen.

Smile. Agree. Then do whatever the f**k you were going to do anyways.”

Like we said, be ok with polarizing away the people not right for you, and attracting the awesome people whom you vibe with.

However, before anybody else can approve of you, you must approve of yourself first.

Every opinion you have. Every action you take. Own it with 100% conviction.

People who do this win in all areas of life.

The ability to be self-fulfilled is the first step to:

Positively influencing others…

Getting the promotion…

Attracting the girl…

Being the guy who people WANT to be friends with…

And becoming the most dominant and attractive version of you.

The future is bright my friend.

We are on our way up every day.

Keep taking action, and I’ll see you at the top in no time.

-Patrick