The Most Unattractive Behavior In The World..

 

Recently I was talking to a friend..

 

..about how on some nights he could go out and have a great ass time, and on other nights he would go out and have a terrible time.

 

We tried to dissect the root reason of these “off” nights.

 

And we came to one conclusion…

 

Whenever he went out with the mentality of “I want to talk to girls, and hopefully hook up with one.” He always had a terrible night.

 

However when he went out with the mentality of “I’m going to have a great time with my friends, and whatever happens happens.” He tended to have an awesome night.

 

[And ironically nights with this mentality usually turned out with him having MORE fun with girls.]

 

And this brings up a great point…

 

WHY did this simple change in his mental frame decide how good the night was for him?

 

Well the simple answer is something that I like to call, “Intent Without Neediness.

 

When he had the mentality of “I want to talk to girls“.. Then he already put the burden of actually having a good time on sources outside of his control.

 

With that mentality he can only have a good time if validation is given to him from attractive females. <– fuck that

 

This is the mentality of many “Pick-up Artists” and why society is generally disgusted with most of them; they are inherently needy.

 

However, when my friend had the better mentality of “I’m going to have a great time with my friends no matter what.” Then all inherent neediness is completely gone.

 

The only deciding factor in this latter situation for a good night is if he chooses to have a good time.

 

Intent without neediness.

 

The intent is to have a good time.

 

But the second you need anything from anyone, you are less likely to get it.

 

This mentality extends to just about any pursuit you have in life..

 

Finding a job.

 

Finding a mentor.

 

Finding a mate.

 

But if you’re reading this message right now, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that not being “needy” means not showing any interest at all..

 

Intent is very key.

 

To get anything, you must actually want it on some level. Just don’t let yourself want it so badly that your happiness and your state depends on that one thing entirely.

 

A mentor of mine once told me a story that perfectly describes this..

 

And it involves needy little monkeys…

 

He said back in his home country of Sri Lanka, they used to feed coconuts to the monkeys.

 

They would cut a hole in the top of these coconuts. Not too big of a hole, but big enough to get their hand in there.

 

These monkeys would get SUPER excited..

 

They’d grab the coconut, stick their hand inside, and scrape up an entire handful of meat from the inside.

 

However, since their hand was SO full of coconut meat, and the hole was only big enough for their hand, the monkeys’ hand would get stuck..

 

The monkey would go NUTS.

 

He would swing his hand through the air, trying to pry his hand out from the inside of the coconut.
But because the monkey wanted the meat SO bad that he HAD to have the entire handful, he could not pull it out.

 

The monkey was only able to finally get his hand out of the coconut, with the meat, when he let go of the handful, and settled for only getting some meat out.

 

The need for everything inside of the coconut was keeping the needy monkey from actually getting anything.

 

So think about this the next time you go into any interaction…

 

Now there are many different tactics and techniques to appear “not needy”.. But today I want to give you the MOST important one.

 

The reason this is the Most important is because it is entirely revolved around how your frame the world in your own head.

 

It is not manipulative, and it is certainly not a band-aid quick fix technique.

 

When you can truly see the world through the right frame, then things will tend to work out to your advantage.

 

Buyer vs. Seller dynamic

 

In almost every interaction, there is always someone who is trying to sell themselves, while the other person is deciding if they want to buy.

 

In a job interview, it is pretty cliche that the interviewer would be the buyer, while the interviewee is trying their hardest to show that they are qualified for the job.

 

A.k.a. they are “qualifying” themselves.

 

Don’t qualify yourself. Ever.

 

Here is the thing… Buyer/Seller does not really exist. It is entirely inside the heads of the people involved.

 

So the beauty of realizing that it is all fake anyways means that you can position yourself as the buyer by choice.

 

If you are attracting women, connections, job opportunities, friends, strippers, clients, etc. then you should always position yourself at the top while inviting the other person to join up on your level.

 

I will do this in the following ways:

 

1 – Not investing a lot more than the other person into the interaction.

 

This goes into the same tier as qualifying yourself.

 

The second your investment is higher than the other party involved is the second your brain starts to value the situation more than necessary.

 

This is called Commitment/Consistency and is one of the many cognitive biases of the human brain.

 

Rather, I will spark the other person to invest more into the conversation/interaction..
I do this by leaving unanswered questions/open loops in my stories.

 

I do this by disqualifying them in a playful way.. i.e. “We would never work out, you’re just not my type. It’s ok, we can be friends though.”

 

I will then talk about someone else who I find as more my type. So for example, if I am searching for a job, I’d subtly mention how this other place did all these things for me, they share the same vision as me, we have the same interests, etc.

 

This will spark the potential employer that you are speaking with to start selling themselves to you. Think about how you can apply this same technique to your social circle…

 

Or I’ll position myself as the buyer by doing the following tip..

 

2 – Communicating the standards I have for myself.

 

So if I am in an interaction with any girl, I will subtly communicate the fact that “I love hanging out with people who are super cool, positive, adventurous, and love experiencing new things.” [insert any standard that you have in your life]

 

When I make it known what my standard is for the women, or even the people, that I let into my life, they realize that they better live up to this standard or I’ll have no problem giving them the boot.

 

So this means to 1. Actually have standards for what you will/won’t accept in your life, and 2. Be fully prepared to rid yourself of any influence that doesn’t live up to those standards.

 

3 – Having a purpose in my life, which I am actively pursuing, that is more important than the other person.

 

David Deida would call this “Being in alignment with your path.”

 

When you have a vision that YOU are actively working towards as your top priority, then you are naturally indifferent.

 

And if you have ever read my post about How To Be Cool, then you know how important indifference is.

 

When you are indifferent, you are free to say what you want, do what you want, with whoever you want, WITHOUT worrying about offending anybody.
This is called being GENUINE to who you are.

 

So long as you are not looking to hurt anybody, and are just doing your thing.. THAT is what makes you cool.

 

THAT is what makes you attractive.

 

THAT is what makes you Magnetic.

 

And when I say “Vision” I certainly don’t mean a list full of bullet points that you call “goals”

 

I mean describing in perfect detail, incorporating all your senses, the exact ideal life that you are working towards.

 

Something revolutionary that people can actually sink their teeth into.

 

Steve Jobs was going to “revolutionize the way we listen to music” with the iPod.
Michael Jordan was going to “become the greatest basketball player of all time.”

 

I am going to make every BAMF on my Team, Team Social Highlife, the most dominant, attractive, magnetic version of themselves.

 

It’s going to happen.

 

And when it does, the world will be ours for the taking. All the opportunities, the connections, the money, the women, the lifestyle, all ours for the taking. Simply by getting ONE step closer every day.

 

When I have a Vision like this, do you think I care if some unknowing, not-so-smart, girl rejects me?

 

Do you think I care if someone doesn’t want to be a part of my social circle?

 

Do you think I care if someone doesn’t want to hire me?

 

Do you think I care if someone teases or criticizes me in any way/shape/or form?

 

Fuck. No.

 

I know exactly where I am going in life. And I know with ABSOLUTE Conviction that I will get there. That is what matters to me.

 

Sure I can want the girl.

 

Sure I can want this business opportunity.

 

Sure I can want the dream job.

 

But I sure as hell don’t need it.

 

And that my friends is how you show Intent Without Neediness.

 

That is how you attract the friends, the women, the opportunities, the LIFE that is right for YOU…

 

Man this was a great message today.

 

You may want to save this and read it daily.
On that note,

 

I’m out.

 

-Patrick

 

P.S. The Magnetic Personality Formula is coming.

 

2 days.